Vet ni? Jag är en människa som är otroligt rädd av förändringar. Jag har alltid varit sån. Det uppstår ett otroligt obehag när jag måste ändra på saker eller när saker förändras utan att jag bestämmer det. Som att byta jobb, flytta, göra slut med en vän eller partner, ta studenten/examen etc. Jag känner mig inte bekväm med det alls… Jag har väldigt lätt för att sakna människor och är otroligt sentimental.
Det lättaste valet om man är en människa med ovanstående egenskaper är att helt enkelt skapa sig ett liv där man behöver utsättas för förändringar och uppbrott så lite som möjligt. Men vad händer då? Ingenting. Absolut ingenting händer. Jag har gjort allt tvärtemot mina första instinkter kan man säga. ”Va dumt!” tänker kanske ni, man har ju alltid fått lära sig att man ska lita på sin magkänsla. Men mina instinkter och magkänsla är ju rädslor och feghet. Det är inte egentlig ovilja.. Jag är bara rädd, rädd för förändringar. Så istället för att lyssna på dessa rädslor och låta dem ta över så har jag gjort saker som jag är rädd för. Man kan säga att jag lever hela mitt liv som en KBT behandling.
För jävlar vad jag har flyttat, bytt jobb, bytt skolor, bytt vänner, bytt partners, testat nya saker och experimenterat genom åren. Jag har varit rädd varje gång men varje gång har det varit värt det. Jag kan se tillbaka på mina val och säga att jag ångrar inget. Jag kan dessutom säga att jag har haft så jävla roligt längs vägen med. Vilken otrolig känsla det är att bara slänga sig ut! Men det ska erkännas att jag är rädd nu, rädd för att lämna min familj och min trygghet… Men jag tror på att enda sättet att utvecklas är att gå ur sin bekvämlighetszon, och vad kan vara bättre då än att plugga en termin utomlands ensam? Magi kommer att ske.
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