Bild från min semester i Soussa, Tunisien.
Jag har funderat lite på det här med bloggandet. Jag har ju bloggat sedan år 2009 och haft en rad olika namn iman aldebe på blogspot, Coverista på wordpress, Coverista på Finest och nu kommer jag ligga kvar på improveme under mitt eget för och efternamn Imanaldebe.se Det fina med improveme är att det är lätt att kommunicera med de som äger bloggportalen och de stöttar en och visar uppskattning.
I början när jag bloggade hade jag svårt för att veta för vilken målgrupp jag skulle blogga för? För den muslimska, kvinnliga målgruppen eller för den icke muslimska målgruppen. Min målgrupp blev till en början familj, vänner och bekanta. När jag tittar tillbaka så skrattar jag, för att jag inser hur klumpig jag var när jag började blogga. Jag fyllde bloggen med en hel del bilder från nätet och fick en känga för det av en läsare en gång haha och lärde mig ganska snabbt att en bloggs värde ökar med egna bilder, så klart. Sedan så fick jag stå ut med en hel del haters som framför mitt ansikte smörade och bakom datorn så skrev de en och annan kommentar som inte var så värst trevligt. Jag valde att svara på kommentarerna och provocera på bloggen. Till slut insåg jag att det är ju det de vill? Få mig att framstå i dåliga dagar medan de gömmer sig bakom datorn. Jag var precis nyförlovad då och han fick ta emot en hel del kritik för att jag bloggade, min familj likaså. Men det som var mest smärtsamt var när en gammal vän till mig fick smygläsa min blogg när hennes man inte var hemma, för att han kanske inte skulle gilla innehållet i min blogg. Min dåvarande fästman ställde ett ultimatum till mig, det var han eller bloggen. Och jag valde bloggen. Sedan stängde jag ner min första blogg på blogspot och startade en modeblogg på nätet med inslag av mitt liv och min karriär under namnet Coverista. Idag är den ämnad för annat, mer om det senare.
Efter en tids bloggande så inser man att man bara ska vara sig själv på bloggen. Jag själv älskar att läsa personliga bloggar. men när man ofta syns i media och folk känner igen en vart man än går. Så blir plötsligt privatlivet, det enda man har som som man vill hålla för sig själv och man börjar sakta men säkert bli mer ytlig i sin blogg. Och de folk som valt att följa en har ju valt en för att de kanske känner igen sig i bloggen eller gillar att det finns någon där ute som ”vågar tänka högt” och ifrågasätta vissa saker. Och idag känner jag att jag är lite där igen, där jag funderar på hur man egentligen bör blogga? Om man tittar på de stora bloggarna så skriver de om en orealistisk värld. En värld som många vill läsa om, en värld långt ifrån sin egen. Häromdagen googlade jag lite och hamnade på en tjejs blogg, väldigt söt tjej, lite väl plastikopererad, men det jag gillade med hennes blogg, var att hon var brutalt ärlig i sin blogg och skrev exakt det hon tänkte på och berättade om hennes livssituation och den dagliga kampen om överlevnad. Sånt man kan göra när man är relativt okänd.
– ” Jag kan sakna det ibland. Men jag föddes till en ”Aldebe”,
där det första man såg när man vaknade, var en TV-man som satt vid frukostbordet.” –
En PR tjej sa en gång till mig ”Iman ingen vill veta om tex ingredienserna i tex Vitamin vattnet som du dricker just nu”. Och jag började fundera, är det så att vi inte orkar gå in på djupet i varandras liv utan vill bara se det ytliga, det som skiljer sig från oss? Jag vet inte riktigt om jag håller med om detta. Jag iaf tycker opersonliga bloggar är tråkiga, visst de har fina bilder och man inspireras av hur de poserat när de tagit bilderna. Men efter ett tag så tröttnar man oavsett hur annorlunda de poserar så känns det ändå som om det i slutändan ”blir samma grej” om och om igen. Lite som man tar selfies.
Jag är en person som mår bra av att ”tänka högt”, ifrågasätta saker och ting, visa upp bilder ur min verklighet och allt som gör mig gott som tex min familj, mat, fashion, beauty products och make up. Och det kommer jag fortsätta med. Jag har varit mycket yta förut men inuti så ekade det tomt pga att jag ständigt flydde ifrån mig själv. Jag flydde ifrån allt som kändes ”jobbigt” de ständiga kraven på att jag bör vara perfekt. Att växa upp till en imam som pappa var inte lätt. Man blev ständigt ifrågasatt av omgivningen och ingenting man gjorde dög någonsin. Jag började shoppa väldigt mycket, hade alltid något nytt att ha på mig. Gillade jag inte det jag köpt så gav jag bort det istället för att lämna tillbaks det oavsett hur dyrt det var. Shopping dövade min ångest och väckte nya begär. Jag behövde ständigt med bekräftelse på att jag såg bra ut och gillade komplimangerna jag fick för mitt smink, accessoarer och de plagg jag bar. Fick jag inte det så var hela min dag förstörd. Men nu så känner jag lugnet i mig själv och har släppt alla dessa krav som ålegat mig. Nu är det dags att bygga på min yta och på allt materiellt runt omkring, för det förtjänar jag,
..så in i helvette.
Kärlek / Iman


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