Häromdagen pratade jag med en vän om ombytta könsroller. Så fort en tjej/kvinna är frispråkig, självständig, vet vad hon vill och vågar ta för sig och är samtidigt lite flörtig och charmig ja då anses hon i mångas ögon vara ”lite för” manlig. Oavsett om man maximerar sin kvinnliga utsida, har man uppfyllt kriterierna ovanför så är man tydligen inget mer än en man.
Häromdagen sa en kille till mig. ”Iman nu känns det som om det är ombytta könsroller”.. Du säger saker som jag borde säga. Jag blev helt PAFF, visst jag har alltid kännt att jag passar bättre med kvinnor som är som mig, (det man tydligen kallas för år 2014 = lite manliga) Eller killkompisar.. De flesta killkompisar är lättare att ha med att göra de är raka, ärliga och kör sitt eget race. Och jag tror jag lärde mig mycket från dem. Jag lärde mig att hantera ett problem snabbt och lösa det utan att sitta och gråta hemma i 3 dagar innan jag tar tag i problemet. Jag lärde mig att läsa av människor snabbt och undanröja människor snabbt om de inte tillför något i mitt liv. Jag lärde mig av killarna att man inte ger fler chanser i ett sunt förhållande. Är det något som visar sig vara ruttet i ett tidigt stadium, kasta det och gå vidare. Det finns finare äpplen högre upp på äppelträden och för att du ska nå dem ska du vara redo för det genom att ha ett samlat och renat inre. Jag lärde mig att ta för mig, att inget landar i min famn bara sådär.
-”Jag lärde mig att kaxigt våga skryta om det jag tycker jag är bra på. Kvinnor hämmade mig på den fronten. ” Man vill ju inte att de ska himla med ögonen och snacka skit senare. ”Ah men Gud vem tror hon att hon är?!” Eller jämför sig med varandra och vill inte att någon ska bli bättre än de på något plan. Har jag sagt att man slipper all tjafs & drama. En nackdel med kvinnliga och manliga vänner är så fort de skaffar partner så försvinner oftast de. Jag skulle aldrig lämna mina vänner bara för att jag är i ett förhållande. Varför låsa in sig i en bubbla när man kan uppleva så mycket mer med andra människor? En nackdel med killkompisar är att de oftast blir kära i en i slutändan. Och vänskapen förstörs. Kärlek mellan människor kan ibland missuppfattas som kärlek i en kärleksrelation istället för kärleksfull vänskapsrelation.
I slutändan sa killen ”.. Du är intressant och jävligt söt.” Så i början fick han en chock av att prata med en tjej som inte gulligullar i telefon eller gör sig till. En tjej som är sig själv hela tiden. När han väl smälte chocken så började han gilla läget. Men för mig så såg jag det som en svaghet. Jag gillar när män älskar starka, drivna och frispråkiga kvinnor och ser det lite som en utmaning. Istället för att bli lättskrämda.
En killkompis sa till mig för två veckor sedan ”Iman jag tror jag har förstört dig.. Förr så var du kvinnligare, du pratade med en mjukare ton och du kunde få folk runt ditt lillfinger på nolltid.. Du har blivit stark nu och lite för självständig och det kommer skrämma männen. Det du behöver göra nu är att tona ner din styrka och självständighet och bära en mask som är mer nertonat.. Lite Kvinnligare”
Jag har många vänninor som pratar med en mjuk röst när deras partners ringer. De gör sig till så mycket så att jag vill spy.. När de är med sina vänner pratar de med grov röst och svär varannan minut. Men framför deras partner går de in i en annan roll. Som om de bär en mask som grundar sig på hur en kvinna bör vara?
Om ni ser er omkring så kommer ni se att de flesta männen väljer kvinnor som är udnerordnade .Why? För att de klarar inte av en stark kvinna med karaktär. De dras till starka och självständiga personligheter men de kan inte hantera de i längden. De ser de nämligen som en tillfällig utmaning och försöker bryta ner de bit för bit för att sedan bygga upp de på nytt som de vill. Om de lyckas? Så tröttnar de senare på henne och tar någon som redan är nedbruten från grunden, som de vet att hon kommer inte bygga upp et nytt självförtroende för att hon hade inget från början. En kvinna som haft ett självförtroende innan, kan självfallet nerbrytas men i ju med att självförrtroendet och självkänslan alltid funnits där så kommer den att byggas upp om än igen sakta men säkert. Och då vet de att det finns en risk att den här kvinnan någon gång kan finna styrkan att någon gång få för sig att lämna de.
..Jag har även sett att starka kvinnor väljer svaga män. Det finns liksom ingen balans.. Kärleken bygger nämligen på att finna en partner som man vet aldrig kommer att lämna en. Man väljer en partner som älskar en mer än vad man älskar sin partner. För att man då vet att vad man än gör mot min partner så kommer sin partner att finns sig vid deras sida ändå. Man har funnit sig en trygghet och man älskar det. Man älskar tryggheten i ett kärlekslöst förhållande där endast en partner är fullständigt förälskad. Och ja förhållandet kan överleva, det köper jag.
Men det som skrämmer mig mest är om detta är mallen för en lyckad relation?
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