My brother´s death inflicted a wound in my heart and soul like nothing else, many times my heart broke over love many times I was humiliated many times I was down to the limit of suicidal thought did cross my mind but all of them combined would not be 1% of what I felt when I lost my brother, my dear most precious brother.
After the shooting the guys came to check if we were both dead, luckily enough my brother´s blood soaked my clothes too and I was so in shock that I just stared up words towards the sky like a dead beat so they thought we were both dead and left as quick as possible cause the police sirens were closing by(lucky for me but unlucky for them).
It was that moment that I sworn with all my heart and might that I will and shall avenge my brother´s death at any means and at any ways possible.
If you have lost somebody who you can remember clearly and he or she is really close to heart then you would understand the blank empty surreal feeling that overcomes you, when you feel the clocks stop ticking there is an awful silence around and everything seems to go in slow motion, when your mind runs on empty thoughts and trying to process the thing that just happened and took place but your poor mind goes on and on without realizing what the fuck just happened.
No matter how much I write about that feeling you have to experience it first hand to know what I mean cause words doesn’t do justice here.
The cops at the station asked me who was the person who was lying dead on me and I answered his name is Alijandro and he is my brother and my name is Hassan, they wondered how we could be brothers when we have totally different names, that’s when I snapped at them and started to hit myself in the face and shouting my lungs out that he IS my brother you assholes, where were you when we needed you the most you fuckers, you good for nothing and I went on and on until I collapsed down drowning in my own tears.
After a while they called my ma and told her that there was some accident and she should come to station to verify some things, my ma came and the second I saw her face I started crying hysterically, she asked me where is Alijandro is he in some legal problem with cops and I said ma Alijandro is….dead, ma blinked a couple of times and she asked again regardless of what I answered her (where is Alijandro)I told her again that he is dead dead he is fucking dead,she said you mean dead like dead like he is no more here with us like I lost my first born child is that what you mean, I nodded my head in approval and I saw her face turn pale,she collapsed on the chair and she hugged her stomach with both of her hands and she let out a scream that I will never forget in my whole life.
My brother seemed to know his end was near cause a week before he contacted his lawyer and he wrote a testament including all his possessions and all his belongings and how they were supposed to be divided among us, I got his wedding ring according to testament which until today I still wear it on my left hand like a wedding ring.
Hussain came back from his studies in Paris just in time for the funeral and according to my brother´s terms he wanted to be cremated and part of his ashes we were suppose to keep and the rest would be buried and my dear gentleman father didn’t even show up at the funeral, he just sent a condolences card to us showing us his true colors again.
Everybody was devastated by the death of my brother at 28 years old only and I don’t know how but Sally handled it really good and she fought to keep the child which came out to be a second daughter (Elisa or Elisabet) she have my brother´s hazel eyes and every time I look into her eyes I see my brother´s eyes looking back into me which gives me a good feeling that my brother´s memory lives on…….I MISS YOU BROTHER