I always wondered what fear is, and why we have it and what´s the reason or the benefit to have such a feeling that can bring you and break you down in your deepest hole ever or lift you up and raise you to a level where the sky’s the limit, always questioned that feeling always had it on my mind and wanted to get rid of it, I thought it was a useless feeling I thought fear was the wrong advice giver and I should never listen to it, but then I realized with my ageing and with my experiences in life that fear is a crucial element in our feelings arsenal and without it we would be extinct a long time ago, and that sometimes we should listen to it cause it could save our lives by paying attention to it and save us many troubles and problems that we encounter in our short ass life that we have here.
I suffered from that problem in my teenage years, I didn´t care how big my opponent would be the bigger the better and was never afraid never scared, not until that day in Milano, I don´t know why but it really hit me that I could and can be dead if those guys get their hands on me they would fuck me up really badly and even worse maybe kill me, then don´t ask me why I decided to go against my fear and fucking face the music and go to them, I wrote a letter and putted underneath my pillow to my grandparents telling them in it that if I don´t come back then they know where to look and who´s to blame,hahahahahaha am laughing at the way I was thinking at that time, pretty childish and to me that was the top of my manhood hahahahah.
Anyway I went to the arcadehall to sort it out with them once and for all and I was lucky cause they all were there even the guy I hit on the head and they jumped up standing to their feet and said that I got some guts to come here to my own death, I was really scared shitless but I acted cool and said am not afraid of bitches who hit one guy lying on the floor by 6 guys who is older than me if you dare take me one on one and I will show you what kind of pussies that you are, the biggest guy in them stepped to me and I was somehow glad to be over with it once and for all, he told me to go outside and I told him after you, we stepped outside and the fight really lasted less than one minute but we were both standing panting like dogs been fighting over a bone and I watched his face, there were some scratches here and there with some red marks and I told him yeah bitch just to let you know that you don´t fuck with me but the way he looked at me was weird cause he was smiling and his smile turned to a laugh, then he told me that the fight is over and we will never bother you go home boy and by the way you got really some guts and I really respect that, just by showing up here on your own with nobody to help shows a lot of courage and heart more than any of my friends and he pointed to his group.
I went home and when I entered the house my nonno(grandma)shrieked in horror and my grandpa came to me and told me what happened, I told them whatever happened it´s over now I handled it my way, my grandpa took me to the bathroom and when I saw my face I was the one in horror too, my face was messed up my mouth was bleeding all my teeth were red by the blood and I had pretty bruised cheeks my left eye was blue and swollen up pretty fast and underneath my lower lip there was a gash open enough for me to see my own teeth through it which left a scare that I have until today, then I understood why he said the fight is over I was beaten and was beaten good but I somehow felt proud that I stayed standing and held my ground and didn´t back off nor did I retreated and cowered from the fight.
I learned my lesson the hard way and I guess we all do to some point in our lives we have to learn it the hard way , it´s like a wakeup call that tells us and open our eyes to the reality that we have been blind to and to show us a new experience in life that we take with us and put it in our history bag that goes with the rest of the history that we collect everyday in our lives