Have you ever wondered about the choices you made in your life? Have you ever wondered what would your life would be like if you took a different road or path other than the one you already chose? Have you ever wished to change something in your past, just to see the difference in your future? Does time goes on by without us realizing it and knowing what we should do with it? Shall a time come where we can read and see each others thought loud and clear like a sheet of paper in front of you?
Many questions I ask myself on daily basis, not knowing the answers to all of them. But I try and thrive to get the answers in anyways possible, maybe I think too much and maybe not.
I arrived at the hospital, asked directly at the reception and they told me that she is being rushed to the OR (operations room) in the ER (emergency room).
I went there and waited, I kind of felt guilty and I don´t know why but I did anyway. Then the doctor came to me, taking off his bloodied surgical cloves and removing his surgical mask, he looked like he was slaughtering some wild animals in there, so much blood he had on his garments.
Doc; are you a family member of any of the parties?
Me; no am just a close friend, what happened and how is everybody?
Doc; well the guy is in critical miserable shape, he won’t be able to walk for the rest of his life and he is paralyzed from neck down, the girl well ehhh(he sighed and waited his moment to reveal everything)
Me; yeah the girl how is she, is she going to be alright? (hoping for the best)
Doc; well, she alright, but we did everything we could really to save her arm, but the tissue damage was too great and dangerous for her life, so we decapitated her right arm from shoulder down?
Me; what do you mean you decapitated her arm, you mean like you cut the whole fucking arm off?
Doc; yes, am sorry son we did everything we could, would you please follow me to fill some forms?
Don’t ask me why but I turned and left the hospital, I don’t know why but I just ran outside. Feeling angry at myself and blaming myself for asking god to punish her, I really believed that god loved me that much that he took my vengeance.
I had really mixed feelings about the whole ordeal, didn’t know how to act, my anger towards her and her guy somehow declined and reduced to nothing, I felt sorry for them and angry at the same time.
Karma, that´s what I think that punished them, what goes around comes around. Karma is a beautiful device, force, power that lurches back behind waiting to strike at the right moment. When it does, everybody should be on the watch out cause it´s demolition power have no mercy and it´s punishment is as beautiful as it´s blind.
I heard after a time that they were really lucky to survive the accident; they even came on TV as wondrous survivors who escaped death. Their car when I saw it on TV I thought wow they were really fucking lucky cause the car was totaled.
The rest of my vacation I pondered about what should I do? Then I decided to buy a last minute ticket to Salao/Spain, before I left I went to the hospital to pay her a visit.
I entered the hospital and that same fucking smell of hospitals when you enter it. You smell the clean sterilized air with that weird smell that gives nausea, and then you realize why you hate hospitals in the first place.
I went to her room, doubting and weighing my options if I should go inside or not? I decided to go against my doubts and went inside; the scene actually shocked me and made me recoil in shock earlier than horror. She was lying down wrapped up from torso and upwards like a mummy with one whole arm missing, I tried to imagine her past beauty but couldn’t, the way she lied on the bed made me feel more and more uncomfortable.
She looked at me and her tears started falling, wetting the bandages around her face, finally she spoke;
J; am sorry for everything Hassan, you are a good guy and I deserve what I have got.
ME; there is nothing to say, you just rest now ok, just take it easy. (not daring to look her in the eyes)
J; well I have so much to tell you, I need you now the most, please don’t, please don’t leave me now.
ME; am not leaving you, it´s you who left me, when you went against my will and stepped in that car with that asshole. (I started walking to the door preparing to leave)
J; then you don’t love me for real, you just like all the guys out there, fixed on looks, now I have nothing and the first thing you do is leaving me stranded waiting for my slow death.
I ran back to her filled with anger and sadness that filled my eyes with tears.
ME; you bitch I would have killed the world for you if you gave me the command, I worshipped you, I loved you, but what do I get in return, you cheating on me and not only that, you were prostituting too with some fuckface who you were fucking him to, so please don’t try to preach me, cause you are not in that situation, plus you will survive and live long, it´s only your arm you missing, which that makes it three things you missing, your mind your heart and your fucking arm. Ciao bella.
I went out feeling free, feeling alive, and was ready to face the rest of the challenges that am going to face in my life.
Know your truth, know your inner soul, and then judge others, what are we but dust in the wind.
We live and die and no one ever asked herself or himself a very simple question; did I lived the life I wanted to live or did life lived me the way it wanted to ?
Make sure that you do the first otherwise you are wasting your time and mine too, make sure that you will and shall live life the way you want to live it, I went outside the hospital and I knew right there and then that I want to live life the way I want to live it, and I did.