Onsdag..

Det är en ny dag och det känns väll sådär.. :/
Tankarna bara snurrar runt, runt och runt.. Jag känner att jag får inga vettiga svar av mina tankar.. Jag vill bara förstå.. Känna någonting annat än den känslan som jag känner just nu..
Jag vet att det ”försvinner” känslor när man är ledsen. Det var inget nytt. Jag vet bara hur det var när min vän Linnea dog.. Jag kände inget speciellt för Jonas då på det sättet eller hur man ska säga. Men innerst inne så kände jag att klarar inte av att vara utan honom, för jag behöver honom för att ta mig igenom det här.. :/ Så var det för mig… Men det betyder inte att det är så för alla andra.

Jag satt och pratade lite med Jonas igår som ni redan vet. Då vi började prata om saker och ting.. Mest för att han frågade hur jag mådde och så >_<’ Varför skulle jag ens berätta för?

Jag sa att allt jag har med att göra blir bara en jävla sylta och ett rent kaos.. Så jag bad han berätta någon som var bra med mig.. Jag fick svaret.. ”Du har fått diplom för att du har gjort ett bra jobb i skolan, du är extremt underbar människa, du ställer upp och är trevlig att vara med. Bland annat.” Ja det är väll fina ord? Ja kanske det.. MEN ett stipendium ifrån skolan är bara ett papper i mina ögon, en sak, en grej den kan inte visa kärlek eller stötta en när man är ledsen… Det kunde Jonas..
Men vad betyder de där orden om man ändå får sitta ensam hemma och bara kolla in i en vägg och inte visa det för någon?
Den här historien lär väll få ett slut eller en fortsättning.. Det vet man inte.. Det märks..

Ha de! <3

 

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