Too tired.

I am so beyond over everything right now. Everything hurts SO. BAD.  It’s cold, and I’m freezing and feverish, and  on top of not being able to keep food down for the second day, I’m breaking out in patches all over and everything itches. Have I mentioned how much I hate hate hate haaaaaaaaaaate my body? The minute something becomes overwhelming, or stressful, or emotionally difficult, or even different from daily routines, my body just shuts down. Literally. I can feel myself deteriorating, and I’m wondering how the hell I’m going to have the strength to get through another day of appointments, only to get on a 2 1/2 hour flight again tomorrow. There’s got to be SOMEONE that can cure this.. I’m so exhausted…

Too much. I can’t even remember the last day I had nothing to complain about. That sounds stupid, and believe me I know how lucky I am in many many aspects of my life, but my body doesn’t work like it’s supposed to and it ruins everything. I don’t know the last time I woke up having slept well. I don’t remember what it’s like to not have something hurt. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t hate living. And I don’t mean that in a morbid way, I just mean that I am so god damn tired, that I don’t want to do it anymore. I need a break.  It’s so hard to see the good in anything when the basics of your living is clouded with pain, exhaustion and mystery symptoms. 

That’s really all there is too it. I’m too tired. I’m just too tired.