V´s at her computer, feeling nervous as ever, logged into Fb hesitating with her finger over the enter key to send Him a message. Should she ad a smiley, or would it be to childish, will he even care to answer? ”Why is this so difficult, just press the damn button!”, she says to herself. Once again V decides to rephrase the two words ”Hello J!” to ”Hey, sup?”. ”Maybe that´ll make him think I´m cool, or… that I´m just a total bitch. Arghh!”, V argues. ”What am I doing? I just can´t do this. I want him to see me, to like me. What do I do? I don´t want to seem needy and desperate but I want him!.”
In her frustration V slams the lid to her laptop and carelessly puts it down on her desk. Not knowing what to do she throws herself on her bed and grabs a pillow. Pressing it hard agains her face she starts to scream, trying to force all the anger and irritation out of her mind. ”Aahhhh!”, she shouts starting to sob. ”Why am I such a coward!”
When out of breath she stops. A single tear tries to escape her eye but V wipes it of before it falls. ”I will not cry for someone I´ve never had!”, she says determined.
V seldom cries, at least not in front of friends and had always tried to avoid doing it when her family might notice. It makes her feel weak, helpless. But she has feelings, maybe even more then others. V thinks, a lot, and she is very kind, filled with empathy for those in need.
Knowing she is home alone V takes her clothes of and walks out of her room to the one mirror in her families house. Standing in front of it she tucks her long brown hair behind her ears and swiftly take a look at her own body. ”Am I ugly? Is that why he never looks at me?”, V thinks not knowing her looks has mesmerised so many.
Eyes that are the colour of autumn leafs, lips rosy red and skin paler than most is something that has always made her stand out i a crowd. The way V is makes her very loved but she has issues trusting her own mind and has a hard time to understand that people like her.
But right now, in her mind, floats nothing but the face of him, beautiful and graceful, the most handsome man on earth, J.
Av: V